by Stacy Friedman – DHS, CSC, Amy Sherman – M.A., LMHC, Rae Sandler Simon – PsyD, Rachel Elder – PsyD
You are watching: Why do guys distance themselves after intimacy
“Hope for love, pray for love, wish for love, dream for love…but don’t put your life on hold waiting for love.”
~ Mandy Hale
You had sex with someone and shortly after they start pulling away.
What happened? When you are thinking of being intimate with someone, think of what your expectations are in that situation as well as what the other persons may be if you are concerned.
If you don’t speak about it and just meet to do the deed on a one-night stand, for example, you can probably assume that there are no expectations and whatever happens, happens.
This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t want to be respected or treated with kindness. But there are things that you do or should not do to make it easier to navigate when your guy starts to become distant.
First off, how long have you been with this person?
Was it a one-night stand, were you dating for a few weeks, a few months?
This can make the difference in how you move forward.
If you just met and had a one-night stand, then that may be all it was or was wanted from the other person.
If you were dating a few weeks or months and this happens, was there an expectation for commitment at that time you had sex where it may have scared the other person off?
Sometimes women can show what they may look at as insecurity, immediately after sex and say something that scares the guy off.
Talking about how they feel, the future of their relationship or what he wants from the relationship can definitely cause a distance after having sex for the first time.
Not that I want to blame things on hormones, but men actually have a drop in testosterone after having sex, which makes them want to pull away. It’s one of the reasons they fall asleep after sex because he is no longer interested until his testosterone has a change to rebuild.
The best way to avoid the confusion is to communicate.
If you are going to have sex with someone you should hopefully be able to express you wants and desires with them and ask what they want from the experience. Be honest about what you want because if you are hoping for it to be the beginning of a relationship and he wants it to be casual then at least you can decide if you are ok with that expectation.
After sex if you didn’t communicate prior, just enjoy, be cool, and don’t jump to any conclusions and see how it goes.
If after a few days you continue to feel a distance, it doesn’t hurt to ask how they are doing. If they are still distant then you have to accept where they stand and go out and find what you want and deserve.